Friday, January 18, 2013

Got complaints? Consider our complaint department.

When you find yourself getting frustrated, when you get pissed off because you can’t get no satisfaction, when your exasperation level is about to reach depth con 5, don’t blow a circuit, don’t throw your baby out the window, and don’t destroy your cell phone when you’ve been on hold for an hour and a half. 
No, friends, don’t kill the messenger when you can drop by “Buck Stops Here Complaint Department.”  We’ve got a person on call 24/7 to hear your complaints so you can experience that enormous sense of relief that comes from dumping on someone who won’t make excuses, try to justify, rationalize, equivocate, project or mollify your well deserved rage.  Our trained complaint technicians won’t blame you back or hold you accountable.  You can rant and rave to your heart’s content
Our registered complaint technician won’t put you on hold, disconnect you or make you wait in line. She’ll nod in agreement and make you feel like everyone else is a stupid idiot but you.  As a licensed CRS practitioner, she’ll immediately forget all indications that you are a raving lunatic.
And if you should feel tempted to admit to your own mistakes, she will kindly, but firmly remind you that you always did your best so you can feel even more supercilious and justified in your righteous indignation.
Stop by this week and pick up a free bottle Buck Stops Here Poop Freshener.  This aromatic mind laxative will help you maintain the illusion that, while it may be true for everyone else, your shit does not in fact stink. 
Our Buck Stops Here Complaint technicians speak both bitching or kvetching depending on whether you’re a gentile or a Jew. Please specify before you start griping.
Come by Buck Stops Here Complaint Department and we’ll make sure your complaints reach a sympathetic ear.  And if you still feel that you’re still getting no satisfaction, we’ll gladly return all your complaints and you can shove them up your shredder.
Not available in California.
 Think on't
Andy Rumi

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